Counseling in Marriage

I wanted to discuss counseling with our spouses. Its so important to communicate well with each other so we can solve problems and issues within our marriage and our families. If your marriage is strong and solid, so will your family.

1. Using Prayer to invite the Spirit into our councils. The spirit needs to be our councils because we are there to make decisions and improve our families and marriages. The spirit has the answers to our problems and will guide us in our councils to make correct decisions. I think the spirit is also important because it softens our hearts. It makes it easier to accept hard things when we our hearts are soft and penetrable.
2. Expressing love and appreciation for one another. Those that we love most need to me reminded of that.  When we show each other that love and appreciation, we can be honest in correcting them in our councils. They are much more likely to take that correction well if they know of your love and also if the spirit is present.
3. Make sure everyone understands and agrees. Of course in a family council this may not always happen.  But in a council with your spouse, it's very important. In both cases, everyone in the council should try to listen to the spirit to receive revelation. Some decisions will not be agreed upon by everyone, but everyone should try to understand.

Councils in our marriage are a place to learn together. We can solve problems and improve our family and each other as we counsel together in love and the spirit.

"Inviting the Spirit of the Lord to be part of your family councils brings blessings beyond description."

—Elder M. Russell Ballard

Parenting

This week in my Family Relations class we discussed parenting. I enjoyed the lectures and class discussions because I felt I understood what we were learning. We discussed natural and logical consequences and how to keep balance in the home. We also discussed how our children need to be nurtured and cared for.  During the lecture, I kept coming back to the readings from this class. The spirit is the most important tool we can have as parents. We aren't going to be perfect parents, but if we can keep that constant companionship with the Spirit we can certainly be better.  The Lord knows our children better than we do and knows their needs.

When it comes to raising children that have strong faith its their personal relationship and habits that matter most. I think its so important to start a habit of family prayer and scripture study. It can help our children develop that habit, especially if we take the time to sit and pray and read with them when they are young.  Teaching with the spirit is so important because Heavenly Father knows our children much better than we do. He knows exactly what they need from us. For example, some things are harder to teach (like sexual intimacy or pornography). So it's easy to put that off until the get older, when they may desperately need that lesson now.  Heavenly Father will always help us do what's best for our children when we ask and when are willing to listen to the spirit.

Is someone "born that way"?

I would say that most people believe that someone who struggles with same-sex attraction or gender identity troubles is born that way and can't or shouldn't even try to change this.  This just simply is not true. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we believe strongly that through Jesus Christ, we can be better and overcome any trial.  If we believe this and also that acting on homosexual urges is wrong, wouldn't we believe that those feelings can be overcome? Would we believe that those struggling with this are doomed to never be truly happy?

There are many different reason one may being to struggle with homosexual feelings. The video below outlines those but here are just a few:

• The mother is controlling, domineering- making dad appear weak
• They've been abused
• Not enough nurturing or intimacy at home, not enough hugs for example
• Lacks a strong male connection, doesn't fit in with the boys at school

Others in the world are saying that gender is just a social construct, not an important biological, eternal aspect of our identities. I believe that gender is not something we can decide for ourselves.  Gender is something that we are born with and can't change. Experts are saying now that children should not be taught that they are a specific gender. To do so would be consider child abuse. (College of Pediatrics statement on Gender Ideology) I believe exactly the opposite. If I child is not taught that they are a boy or a girl this can only confuse them.  

The video below shows the research supporting the fact that no one is born gay.. We are all sons and daughters of a Heavenly Father. He loves us. He wants us to live up to our divine potential (which we all have) and that includes an eternal marriage. Anyone who chooses to can overcome these feelings and enjoy the blessings of the Gospel, the blessings our Father has in store for us.

The experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them. With love and understanding, the Church reaches out to all God’s children, including our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.-The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

Click here for more about the LDS view on homosexuality: http://mormonsandgays.org/ 

Faith and Science Go Together!

As I've began studying this semester, about families I've come to be grateful for research and scientific evidence.  I have come to realize that our faith does not have to stand alone.  Scientific research provides us with the tools we need to teach others.  If we went to someone who firmly supported gay marriage, for example, and all we had was that we believe that its wrong they will probably laugh at us.  Many don't know that this research is out there or where to find it.  We need to find it and use it to remind the world that families are everything! They are the foundation of our society. 

Faith is incredibly important and is valuable to our growth in the gospel and in life. I don't mean to down play that at all, but if we can take physical evidence and use it to defend our positions it will benefit us and the people we want to teach tremendously. 

Science is providing marvelous things to give ease and comfort to man in this modern world and is creating the highest standard of living ever known. Because we are provided with all our needs and the luxuries of life, can we turn from God, the teachings of religion, or the gospel of Jesus Christ? With the advance of knowledge has come a reliance upon scientific principles of proof, and as a consequence, there are some who do not believe in God because his existence cannot be substantiated by such proof. In reality, scientific research is an endeavor to ascertain truth, and the same principles which are applied to that pursuit are used in the quest to establish the truth of religion as well. -Howard W. Hunter, 14th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

To look at some research of all different types of families and the effects those different families have on children click here:

http://familystructurestudies.com/

It was mom...

Mom's are the glue that keeps families going.. "Who taught us to love God, to love others, to love ourselves? Who prayed with us, and prayed for us, who read to us and taught us what the words meant? It was Mom.  

Thank you mom. 

This week..

This week I learned that each member of the family is essential to the whole family's well being. According to systems theory the intimate group must be analyzed as a whole.  This means that an individual needs to be assessed with the whole in mind. Each of us plays certain roles in our families. We may be the nurturer, the instigator, the protector, the funny guy or a combination of a few of these.  We each play roles that together make up our unique family. When you go home for summer break do you feel like you revert to your old ways and habits? If so, this is because you have reverted back to the role you played in your family.  When something is going wrong in the family, it may be best to instead of pinpointing one individual look at the family as a whole. This allows you to see how each member is effecting the whole.  This is what Family Therapists do. They have a whole family come in, or a mother, father and child, or siblings and they look at the individuals in order to fix the whole. This was my introduction to family therapy and I think it's a great way to solve problems in your family.  I feel like a lot of people don't understand what Family Therapy is.. It isn't a psychiatrist asking "How does that make you feel?". Its not laying down on a couch, whining about whats wrong in your life. Its about addressing real issues in a neutral environment and working through them as a family.  I think that a lot of families and marriages could really benefit from this kind of therapy and they don't even know it.  This week I learned that I may want to be a Family Therapist one day..

This week I learned why what other families choose to do in their own homes affects me and my family. We hear too much these days the phrases, "Why do you care?", "It doesn't affect you.", "It won't bother you so why does it matter?".  These phrases are simply not true. This week I watched a couple videos (link below) that taught me a TON about fertility rates and why it matters how many kids we have and when we have them. The scholars and experts in this video talk a lot about population growth and decline and the myths associated.  I would the majority of the people believe that the worlds population will keep growing. This is true as long as the world keeps above a replacement fertility rate. This is about 2.33 (children per woman). Today most of the world is only at sub-replacement fertility rates. This means that (if sustained) we will see population decreases. So most of you are probably thinking that this is no big deal, it doesn't matter, right? No. It does matter. Many predicted that by the 1970's we would see overpopulation and starvation. Today the food supply and our population has both increased. How? Because we have more people working, more innovation, technology which helps us produce more food. If our fertility rates continue the way they are now (declining) we will reach 9.6 billion by about 2050. But that will be the peak. It will then level off and begin to decline because we aren't at replacement level fertility rates. In other words, we aren't having enough children to replace ourselves.

I have always felt strongly about having children despite other opinions of bringing kids into this "crappy world". I feel its our responsibility to have children and teach them correct principles. If we can provide a loving home for children, I believe it is our responsibility to do so. If we choose not to, odds are that child will not grow up in home like we could have given them. They may be born into a family where they will be surrounded by poverty, crime and wickedness.  According to The Family; A Proclamation to the World, the commandment given to Adam and Eve from God, to populate the earth, is still in effect. I believe this whole heartedly and hope that you will consider it too.

 "There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty?—To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can."

 - President Brigham Young

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZeyYIsGdAA